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I kind of cringe when I look back at the posts from my old blog. It is about the same feeling that I get when I look over old notes that I wrote, whether to myself or to someone else. It boggles my mind how things change. I feel embarrassed about the thought processes that consumed that moment, that consumed my entire life at the time.

Something that one of my close friend's mom said once was that she was happy that God blessed her with a bad memory. I read those old entries and all I have been able to glean from those oh-so-important moments (besides a lot of whining) was God smacking me in the head every time with some sort of mind-blowing revelation at the end, one that I could never have thought of, let alone know how to enter into my own list of objectives.

I am in a similar predicament right now, sitting here at the end of the semester with very little sleep in my body and too much sugar in my veins. I made it. It is over. This chapter of my life seemed too cumbersome, the pages too heavy to even begin to turn. And yet, at the end, in the very last sentence, I feel as sure of my strength to read on as I did at the first word.

I approached this semester with not much guidance other than knowing that there would be a beginning, a middle, and an end--not necessarily in that order. So away to coloring-by-number I went, trying to associate a specific emotion or action with any similar situation that I came across. It was when life kept getting more messy that I stepped back and realized that the reason why I could not stay inside of the lines was because there were no lines to speak of. This was my life, my tabula rasa. By letting each day leave its own personal fingerprint on my heart I have figured out that there is a pattern that only my heart's keeper can see, and me trusting His ultimate design is half the battle.

I feel stripped bare. Of words. I want to convey my awe of this recurring theme, the wonder of how I feel about having peace in the uncertainty, not deluded but assured. But alas...I don't quite remember how.