I'm a bleeping millionaire.
I squandered an entire day and I still have ample time to do homework. What is this?
I need some friends...
...but then I'd have to dole out some of my new currency to benefit someone else.
Philanthropy tomorrow, miserly time-hoarding today!
(pray for me)
Friday, 27 August 2010
Wednesday, 18 August 2010
where
Here I am in Athens, GA, 88.5 miles away from my house, the farthest distance that I have ever set up shop from my family. I can't say that I am eaten up with remorse from my decision to leave home, but it is also the first week. It's so surreal to me that I have made a committment to be here for a year and a half, even crazier that I'm thinking about extending that time to work on a PhD. Nothing is permanent nor set in stone, and considering that I only decided to start UGA in the fall 3 weeks ago, I know that anything could happen between now and then. Still, I find myself getting restless here. Although it's a new adventure, new place, etc., I still see myself getting bored. So I am now asking myself, what do I want?
I want to go "away", but I'm here. I want to serve, but I am lazy. I'm starting to think that there's not one place where I can go that my laziness doesn't cosign on my lease. I don't know what I want, but I am starting to understand that wanderlust is not godly...God is Godly. I can desire to go to Athens, Timbuktu, or Kalamazoo for God, but this desire is still in need of redemption. So what, then, is my "mission"? I know it's happening now, but am I missing it? Is it over the 15.4 inch screen of my laptop and across the room? Is it in the study lounge with me?
I have felt so anti-social, but I know feeling "social" is not what I want, either. I guess I want to be open and put in places where I am being used. But at the same time, I have to see the value of character building while I'm here, achieving the mission in my own life. IE, studying without accountability, sleeping at a decent hour, reducing my Hulu hours. I guess I could start my internet reduction by ending this post.
But not before I say calllll meeeeeee
I want to go "away", but I'm here. I want to serve, but I am lazy. I'm starting to think that there's not one place where I can go that my laziness doesn't cosign on my lease. I don't know what I want, but I am starting to understand that wanderlust is not godly...God is Godly. I can desire to go to Athens, Timbuktu, or Kalamazoo for God, but this desire is still in need of redemption. So what, then, is my "mission"? I know it's happening now, but am I missing it? Is it over the 15.4 inch screen of my laptop and across the room? Is it in the study lounge with me?
I have felt so anti-social, but I know feeling "social" is not what I want, either. I guess I want to be open and put in places where I am being used. But at the same time, I have to see the value of character building while I'm here, achieving the mission in my own life. IE, studying without accountability, sleeping at a decent hour, reducing my Hulu hours. I guess I could start my internet reduction by ending this post.
But not before I say calllll meeeeeee
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
()
take my feet
arch them as you please
banish the memories
torch the steps
and melt this rain dance into a waltz
arch them as you please
banish the memories
torch the steps
and melt this rain dance into a waltz
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
icebox
The only words that I feel like writing these days already have owners and organizers, and I just put them on lease in my respective journals, blogs, and mutterings. I'm trying not to write about things that I only kind of care about, or about what I think will make an interesting story. Also, I'm trying to reduce the amount of "I" posts, i.e. the i'msomusingandmysterioussomeonelovemyemoself posts. Hence my draft to published post count has maintained a consistent 3-1 ratio, and I don't know if that will ever change.
We have a room-sized freezer in our lab where we store miscellaneous life things that we need. The door is huge, the temperature difference is huge, and the first time experience can be daunting (especially when a more experienced lab person pretends like there's no way out once the door closes, a favorite trick of mine). I used to run in and run out immediately, accomplishing my errand before the drastic weather change affected my mental state. But as the days have gotten longer and warmer I relish my time in the coolest place on campus. The regular temperature is 35 degrees F, which feels much colder inside during the summer days. I love the paper thinness of the air, the refreshing familiarity of the cold as it provides respite and preserves the life forces under our care. Once I have stayed in there for a while I am not wrapping myself in my lab coat anymore, and although I see the evidence of the frigid state in the frosted film overtaking everything, I feel comfortable. It's as though I have to reach out and touch something in the room to remind me where I am. It's like I've found an unorthodox home state.
I breath the same paper thin air when I step onto the MARTA train, or when I walk around Wal-Mart, or when I drive around downtown, or when I stay at home long enough. I think there's an inversion of logic here, though: It's possible that these harsh conditions are the normal, but I attempt to insulate myself in 70 degree boxes, an endeavor at which I have notably succeeded. Dashing in and out of this world, staring at it through a window, strategizing an exit plan...that's not the Gospel. Standing still long enough for your heart to break is not the end, either. It seeing the frosted dirt as beautiful, it's praying for the eyes to see this way. It's the ownership of and the covenant with the fat, the loud, the uncouth, the offensive, the ungrateful, the unjustified; these become our kin. It's understanding that God is most glorified, his Spirit is the most preserved in the cold and dry, and we can work the best under these conditions. It's setting up shop so that these harsh truths seep into your skin and alter your definition of beauty, of good news, of home. It's a slow but steady destruction of comfort. It's the yearning for redemption in the end but the ability to see it in the middle, in the in between. It's breathing in shards of ice and pain and breathing out Eternity.
We have a room-sized freezer in our lab where we store miscellaneous life things that we need. The door is huge, the temperature difference is huge, and the first time experience can be daunting (especially when a more experienced lab person pretends like there's no way out once the door closes, a favorite trick of mine). I used to run in and run out immediately, accomplishing my errand before the drastic weather change affected my mental state. But as the days have gotten longer and warmer I relish my time in the coolest place on campus. The regular temperature is 35 degrees F, which feels much colder inside during the summer days. I love the paper thinness of the air, the refreshing familiarity of the cold as it provides respite and preserves the life forces under our care. Once I have stayed in there for a while I am not wrapping myself in my lab coat anymore, and although I see the evidence of the frigid state in the frosted film overtaking everything, I feel comfortable. It's as though I have to reach out and touch something in the room to remind me where I am. It's like I've found an unorthodox home state.
I breath the same paper thin air when I step onto the MARTA train, or when I walk around Wal-Mart, or when I drive around downtown, or when I stay at home long enough. I think there's an inversion of logic here, though: It's possible that these harsh conditions are the normal, but I attempt to insulate myself in 70 degree boxes, an endeavor at which I have notably succeeded. Dashing in and out of this world, staring at it through a window, strategizing an exit plan...that's not the Gospel. Standing still long enough for your heart to break is not the end, either. It seeing the frosted dirt as beautiful, it's praying for the eyes to see this way. It's the ownership of and the covenant with the fat, the loud, the uncouth, the offensive, the ungrateful, the unjustified; these become our kin. It's understanding that God is most glorified, his Spirit is the most preserved in the cold and dry, and we can work the best under these conditions. It's setting up shop so that these harsh truths seep into your skin and alter your definition of beauty, of good news, of home. It's a slow but steady destruction of comfort. It's the yearning for redemption in the end but the ability to see it in the middle, in the in between. It's breathing in shards of ice and pain and breathing out Eternity.
Monday, 19 July 2010
revamp
"Never make a principle out of your experience; let God be as original with other people as He is with you."
~Oswald Chambers
As a long-winded, teaching-oriented, ex-bible study leader who always has a ditty for everything....I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this. Help?
~Oswald Chambers
As a long-winded, teaching-oriented, ex-bible study leader who always has a ditty for everything....I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this. Help?
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
consider
Jury duty?
Seriously?
Yes, I know I deferred several months ago, thinking that I would be smart enough to send in the right form at the right time stating that I am a student,therefore I am impervious to the inconveniences caused by civic duty. Unfortunately I can spell procrastination better than I can spell affidavit, so here I am.
Drone on, cheap county video that defends the idea that jury duty is a "privilege", not a burden. I'm sure you just convinced the 400+ people here in this one room that dodging Atlanta traffic, missing work and other things to potentially provide 1/12 of a judgment call on someone else's problem is undoubtedly the best way to spend a day.
Oh well...I'm sure I'll get sent home. That's good, I have to go to lab, it's our busiest week. It'll work out.
TAM-ERR-UH Johnson? That's me, more or less...
Cool, there are 35 other people with my fate, they only need 12...I like my odds.
So, why did the judge just call my name?
Statistics, you have failed me.
Well, at least the trial will only last toda--did he just 2-3 days?
OK, my boss may be a bit pissed since this is my first day on our new project.
OK, I will be missing a physics lab...thank God we can drop one.
OK, I'm going to be missing class, lab, and life.
OK, I'm a little upset.
Alright, I survived the 5 hours of court today. I'm pretty sure the judge saw me dozing, don't know how I'm going to pull off this alertness thing for 7 hours tomorrow. Now what do I do? I want to be, need to be in lab with the firs and the grasses! I would prefer not to miss my one class in the summer. I would rather roast outside in the 100 degree weather than roast under the tension of expensive arguments.
Blurrrgggg
OK, I'm at Tech now, I can just meet with my physics professor and sort everything out. He's a pretty reasonable guy, and it would be better to show my face than to email him. He usually stays late, and it's just 5:30.
Little Post-It note, innocently hanging on Dr. Murray's door, thank you for being the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm Frustrateddazedperplexedtiredoverwhelmed and I don't know how to stop.
Just another situation out of my control, another situation that's all my fault.
Just another stressor, just another addition to the summer of bizarre.
What is this written in the cement? Crazy vandals, always ruining our new construction projects on campus. What does it say?
CONSIDER IT JOY
Come again, sidewalk?
CONSIDER IT JOY
....
......
........
Well played, Author and Finisher person.
Well played, You who are in the sky and also here on the gravelled ground.
Well played, You whose love is often inconvenient.
Well played, You who created domesticity, physics, Frasier firs, fellow jurors, and Post-it notes.
Well played.
Seriously?
Yes, I know I deferred several months ago, thinking that I would be smart enough to send in the right form at the right time stating that I am a student,therefore I am impervious to the inconveniences caused by civic duty. Unfortunately I can spell procrastination better than I can spell affidavit, so here I am.
Drone on, cheap county video that defends the idea that jury duty is a "privilege", not a burden. I'm sure you just convinced the 400+ people here in this one room that dodging Atlanta traffic, missing work and other things to potentially provide 1/12 of a judgment call on someone else's problem is undoubtedly the best way to spend a day.
Oh well...I'm sure I'll get sent home. That's good, I have to go to lab, it's our busiest week. It'll work out.
TAM-ERR-UH Johnson? That's me, more or less...
Cool, there are 35 other people with my fate, they only need 12...I like my odds.
So, why did the judge just call my name?
Statistics, you have failed me.
Well, at least the trial will only last toda--did he just 2-3 days?
OK, my boss may be a bit pissed since this is my first day on our new project.
OK, I will be missing a physics lab...thank God we can drop one.
OK, I'm going to be missing class, lab, and life.
OK, I'm a little upset.
Alright, I survived the 5 hours of court today. I'm pretty sure the judge saw me dozing, don't know how I'm going to pull off this alertness thing for 7 hours tomorrow. Now what do I do? I want to be, need to be in lab with the firs and the grasses! I would prefer not to miss my one class in the summer. I would rather roast outside in the 100 degree weather than roast under the tension of expensive arguments.
Blurrrgggg
OK, I'm at Tech now, I can just meet with my physics professor and sort everything out. He's a pretty reasonable guy, and it would be better to show my face than to email him. He usually stays late, and it's just 5:30.
Had to leave early. See you tomorrow. ~EM
Little Post-It note, innocently hanging on Dr. Murray's door, thank you for being the straw that broke the camel's back.
I'm Frustrateddazedperplexedtiredoverwhelmed and I don't know how to stop.
Just another situation out of my control, another situation that's all my fault.
Just another stressor, just another addition to the summer of bizarre.
What is this written in the cement? Crazy vandals, always ruining our new construction projects on campus. What does it say?
CONSIDER IT JOY
Come again, sidewalk?
CONSIDER IT JOY
....
......
........
Well played, Author and Finisher person.
Well played, You who are in the sky and also here on the gravelled ground.
Well played, You whose love is often inconvenient.
Well played, You who created domesticity, physics, Frasier firs, fellow jurors, and Post-it notes.
Well played.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
the present
consuming eclairs and ciders with my bros
eating cheesecake at a restaurant that tastes like it's been in the fridge for 3 years
watching too many movies and fulfilling too few deadlines
talking about nothing and everything with someone who inadvertently helped shaped my worldview
sweating while trekking across campus, showing up to every meeting looking like a wet dog
carrying an umbrella and being able to use it before the end of the day
being with friends who make you laugh from your core, and realizing that they love you, too
youtubing songs over and over again before realizing they are illegal download-worthy
going to flying biscuit entirely too many times
eating out entirely too many times
eating
talking to my besties through phone, gchat, email
talking to my besties in person
thinking of clever lines but never having paper to put them in existence
watching my subject-verb agreement slip down the drain
shopping
riding on MARTA and learning the faces of Atlantans
my friends' handwriting
finding out that it takes an entire village to graduate
realizing that the entire village is just as happy as I am to graduate
wearing sweats over shorts in lab to expose my ankles for the world to see
crying and laughing in the same conversation
allowing myself to be scared, emotional, even out-of-sorts about things in life
acknowledging that I'm not as cool as I think I am
living out the long-term in long-term friendships
witty phrases
30 rock
double-jointedness
old letters
heaven is truly in the simple things.
eating cheesecake at a restaurant that tastes like it's been in the fridge for 3 years
watching too many movies and fulfilling too few deadlines
talking about nothing and everything with someone who inadvertently helped shaped my worldview
sweating while trekking across campus, showing up to every meeting looking like a wet dog
carrying an umbrella and being able to use it before the end of the day
being with friends who make you laugh from your core, and realizing that they love you, too
youtubing songs over and over again before realizing they are illegal download-worthy
going to flying biscuit entirely too many times
eating out entirely too many times
eating
talking to my besties through phone, gchat, email
talking to my besties in person
thinking of clever lines but never having paper to put them in existence
watching my subject-verb agreement slip down the drain
shopping
riding on MARTA and learning the faces of Atlantans
my friends' handwriting
finding out that it takes an entire village to graduate
realizing that the entire village is just as happy as I am to graduate
wearing sweats over shorts in lab to expose my ankles for the world to see
crying and laughing in the same conversation
allowing myself to be scared, emotional, even out-of-sorts about things in life
acknowledging that I'm not as cool as I think I am
living out the long-term in long-term friendships
witty phrases
30 rock
double-jointedness
old letters
heaven is truly in the simple things.
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