hhij iii

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!!

:)

Here is the third installment of holding hands in june.

If you have been along for the ride for both the first and second year, you probably know I have an affinity for the likes of John Mayer, Corinne Bailey Rae, and Jack Johnson, etc., for they made appearances in both of the older mixes. Well, I went out of my way to not include any of those guys or any others that have been here. The exceptions are Ben Folds (with a dash of Regina Spektor) and Sufjan Stevens (because he is awesome always). This one took the longest to make (I started adding suggestions in the fall), but it is also the shortest (only 14 songs, instead of the usual 20ish. I wish it was longer, but making these lists is more of an art than a science).

Other features:

-Three songs that are covers
-One song that inspired a really famous cover
-A love song that was turned into a rap
-A rapper singing a love song
-The F word, in a singular yet pronounced appearance
-A song whose lyrics consist of two words
-More electro/techno than usual

Song list (preferred order):
I've Got This Friend--The Civil Wars
Lovelier Than You--B.o.B
I'm Into Something Good--The Bird and the Bee
Barbra Streisand--Duck Sauce
Pink Moon--Nick Drake
Happy Together--The Flobots
I'll Hold My Breath--Ellie Goulding
You Don't Know Me--Ben Folds (feat. Regina Spektor)
St. James' Infirmary--Rising Appalachia
He Woke Me Up Again--Sufjan Stevens
Tightrope--Janelle Monae
There Goes the Fear--The Doves
Safe and Sound--Taylor Swift (feat. the Civil Wars)
Valerie--The Zutons

There were some songs that were introduced to me by friends, so if you see one, thanks :) As always, I really enjoyed making this. The next few months promise much change for me (graduation, starting full-time job), but I plan to use this time to playyyyy. I hope you get some play time, too.

go to sleep

I am reading Shadow of the Almighty, a book about Jim Elliot, a missionary who died while he was ministering in South America. It is a really powerful book, for he was such a man of faith. A part that stuck out to me was from a letter to a family member, concerning dating. He was in the college at the time, and he was liked by many girls but he turned them all down. He saw dating as a non-essential, especially when he felt so fulfilled in Christ. He did end up getting married, his widow, Elisabeth Elliot (author of Passion and Purity) wrote the book. Anyway, here is what he said.

No one warns young people to follow Adam's example. He waited till God saw his need. Then God made Adam sleep, prepared for his mate, and brought her to him. We need more of this 'being asleep' in the will of God. Then we can receive what He brings us in His own time, if at all. Instead we are set as bloodhounds after a partner, considering everyone we see until our minds are so concerned with the sex problem that we can talk of nothing else when bull-session time comes around. It is true that a fellow cannot ignore women--but he can think of them as he ought--as sisters, not as sparring partners!

I've been meditating on this, the concept of being asleep in God's will. Not laying down and resting and occasionally opening our eyes to see if God is seeing how diligent we are, but being unconscious, knocked out by our love for Christ that we don't even feel when the opposite sex passes us by....unless God wants us to feel it.

I think the "if at all" part is extremely important, though many times this is the part that we decide to sleep on.

volition

I drive so much these days. I think I am making up for the six years of license eligibility, and I am doing it swimmingly. I have put almost 20,000 new miles on Corinna the Chevy Cobalt, whom I've had for just seven months. This type of constant traveling can give one a false sense of security, of bravado. In the past two weeks I have made three turkey and cheese sandwiches while I was driving (I'm talking deli meat turkey, pepper jack cheese). Slowly but surely,I think I was beginning to believe that I could summon the strength to go 75 miles per hour, with or without a car.

As I drove along this line of thinking, along the Athens outer loop, I heard the screeching tires and I saw the car directly in front of me hopping in between the two lanes. After dancing for a bit, the car made a beeline for the right side median and front-ended the concrete with a sickening crunch. As it came to rest in the opposite direction of traffic, I realized that I was looking at the crash through my rearview mirror. I cannot fathom how I passed by the out-of-control car with nary a scratch, but I did.

My tally of near-death experiences is steadily increasing. My confidence in my abilities is decreasing. The knobs of circumstance have become too slippery and unwieldy for my childish hands. To say I am grateful for God's control would make it sound as though I weighed the options and decided this was the best idea. As the options of luck, serendipity, coincidence, and willpower dissolve into smoke and mirrors, I am confronted with the Truth, and his firm, gentle guiding hand on my life.

I'm so thankful that I'm incapable of doing any good on my own. ~Caedmon's Call

the right question

God, how can I bless you?

send

How does one pray for the nations when they see themselves as a lost cause? So many prayers lack zeal or even belief because the redemption of the world, the won battle for this earth is a foreign concept to our small scale. Jesus' beckoning for his lost sheep consistently includes those who found him, but may have closed their eyes for a spell. May our hope for the world be fruit of our own experience with salvation.

Send revival...start with me.

holding hands in june, too (HHIJ II)

My peeps! Here is the Summer 2011 soundtrack.

This year is considerably different from last year. Not in artists (there are quite a few repeats), but in tone. I think this year is a little more somber than the bounciness of last year. A wise twin sister made the analogy that last year was more for a summer afternoon, whereas this year is more for a summer evening.

Other features of HHIJ II:
--Much fewer Brits on here....but two songs featuring Swedes!
--Three artists named Ben (four songs feat. Bens)
--Four Youtube stars (two songs feat. them)
--Two songs that feature whistling
--More profanity/suggestive themes (sorry)
--A lot of love songs
--My favorite song of all time


Song list (in preferred order):
Wild Young Hearts--Noisettes
Sleeping In--The Postal Service
Sunrise--Norah Jones
High of 75--Relient K
When Did You Fall--Chris Rice
No Sunlight--Death Cab for Cutie
Home--Jorge & Alexa Narvaez
Folding Chair--Regina Spektor
Here Comes the Sun--The Beatles
Daydreamin'--Lupe Fiasco feat. Jill Scott
Gatekeeper--Feist
Call Me When You Get This--Corinne Bailey Rae
Young Folks--Peter, Bjorn & John
Stop This Train--John Mayer
Jesusland--Ben Folds
Rhythm of Love--Joseph Vincent and Clara C
A Change is Gonna Come--Ben Sollee
Your Arms Around Me--Jens Lekman
Daylight--Matt & Kim
You and I--Ingrid Michaelson
The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts--Sufjan Stevens
Do You Remember--Jack Johnson

They should all play just fine.

A lot of the songs on here were introduced to me by my friends, so if you see a song that you contributed, thanks :) I really enjoyed making this, and I hope you enjoy listening. Happy Summer!

leaking

Sometimes when I think about you, all I sense is an ocean wave behind a door...a loud crashing earthquake, a rushing, violent wind that is uncontrollable, unstoppable.

I think about this and I get scared. I think about you wanting to meet with me and I freak out. So I keep the door closed.

I am afraid of you and your love. It is dangerous and untamed, and it seeps into every area of my life. My lack of control scares me, so I refrain from meeting with you. I avoid talking to you because it reminds me of my helplessness.

Sorry. I'm even helpless in this situation.

rebuke

me: i just want to be a part of my church community again
G: "A" church community again
G: any community can become yours
me: yeah
me: but ive been resisting joining up with the church here (getting to know them better, etc) because of what i long for in atl
G: mm yea I feel you
G: how about a new perspective?
you long for what you had in JCA, right?
but perhaps that was only beneficial with what you were going through at the time
just think: what if the community you have available is what God wants to bless you with NOW in THIS stage of your life, and you're not doing it?
if you pine for JCA, and JCA is not what you need, you will only become bitter and depressed
You're too wonderful to be BAD (Bitter And Depressed)
me: .....
me: i hear you, but i dont want to
G: I know dear
G: *hug*

funnel

"What our world often witnesses today is a devoted, committed Christian or a church serving God. But they are not seeing God. They don't see anything happening that can be explained only in terms of God's activity. Why? Because we are not attempting anything that only God can do.

Our world is not being attracted to the Christ we serve because they are not seeing Him at work in our lives. They see us doing good things for God and comment "That's nice, but it's not my thing." The world is passing us by because they do not want to get involved in what they see in our lives. We are not giving them opportunities to encounter God. They are seeing only us. Let the world watch God at work, and He will attract people to Himself.

Let Christ be lifted up, not in words but in life.
Let people see the difference the living Christ makes in a life, a family, or a church; that will affect how they respond to the gospel.
When the world sees things happening through God's people that cannot be explained except that God Himself has done them, the world will be drawn to such a God."

reunion

When I see Jesus, will I recognize him?

midnight oil

I finished two papers last night.
Two.
No, I have not slept in my bed in two nights.
Yes, there was one class casualty (twas my first! And hopefully my last).
Yes, my room looks like someone was playing hopscotch with a jackhammer.
Yes, in some senses, I brought it upon myself.
But I finished.
And I don't feel any more tired than I usually do.
I waited for you, Lord....yet your strength found me first.


I'm not who I was. God is changing me. This is a truth that I never remember without a struggle, but it's such a core concept. Whenever I slip into old thought processes, old sneaky habits that even my closest sisters don't know all about....my conscience and my rationale both heave a collective sigh. They sit around and wait for me to have my fun. I feel their low expectations and I cringe and cower. I am embarrassed by my weaknesses, like a 5-year-old who just can't figure out how to tie their shoes.

But...I am better. I have grown. The concept of our bad habits playing out like a recursive loop is a lie from Satan...but as Claudia said when we were discussing this, Satan is not very creative. God is hugging and molding every curve and crack in me, carving me into his likeness....and I know He likes what He sees. I know this because I see Him doing the same thing in my friends, and it is truly breathtaking.

I'm going to clean my room now, do some work, maybe watch a movie. Maybe I'll postpone the middle objective till the morning (no Friday classes, teehee).
I feel stronger now, maybe I won't two hours from now. Honestly, who needs shoelaces, anyway? Barefoot is the only way to dance with my Father.

runs in the fam

My aunt's a G...a local celebrity...
...in Nebraska.
(just kidding, Auntie Wandi)

Check out her thoughts on interracial marriage.

If time is money

I'm a bleeping millionaire.

I squandered an entire day and I still have ample time to do homework. What is this?

I need some friends...

...but then I'd have to dole out some of my new currency to benefit someone else.

Philanthropy tomorrow, miserly time-hoarding today!



(pray for me)

where

Here I am in Athens, GA, 88.5 miles away from my house, the farthest distance that I have ever set up shop from my family. I can't say that I am eaten up with remorse from my decision to leave home, but it is also the first week. It's so surreal to me that I have made a committment to be here for a year and a half, even crazier that I'm thinking about extending that time to work on a PhD. Nothing is permanent nor set in stone, and considering that I only decided to start UGA in the fall 3 weeks ago, I know that anything could happen between now and then. Still, I find myself getting restless here. Although it's a new adventure, new place, etc., I still see myself getting bored. So I am now asking myself, what do I want?

I want to go "away", but I'm here. I want to serve, but I am lazy. I'm starting to think that there's not one place where I can go that my laziness doesn't cosign on my lease. I don't know what I want, but I am starting to understand that wanderlust is not godly...God is Godly. I can desire to go to Athens, Timbuktu, or Kalamazoo for God, but this desire is still in need of redemption. So what, then, is my "mission"? I know it's happening now, but am I missing it? Is it over the 15.4 inch screen of my laptop and across the room? Is it in the study lounge with me?

I have felt so anti-social, but I know feeling "social" is not what I want, either. I guess I want to be open and put in places where I am being used. But at the same time, I have to see the value of character building while I'm here, achieving the mission in my own life. IE, studying without accountability, sleeping at a decent hour, reducing my Hulu hours. I guess I could start my internet reduction by ending this post.


But not before I say calllll meeeeeee

()

take my feet
arch them as you please
banish the memories
torch the steps
and melt this rain dance into a waltz

icebox

The only words that I feel like writing these days already have owners and organizers, and I just put them on lease in my respective journals, blogs, and mutterings. I'm trying not to write about things that I only kind of care about, or about what I think will make an interesting story. Also, I'm trying to reduce the amount of "I" posts, i.e. the i'msomusingandmysterioussomeonelovemyemoself posts. Hence my draft to published post count has maintained a consistent 3-1 ratio, and I don't know if that will ever change.

We have a room-sized freezer in our lab where we store miscellaneous life things that we need. The door is huge, the temperature difference is huge, and the first time experience can be daunting (especially when a more experienced lab person pretends like there's no way out once the door closes, a favorite trick of mine). I used to run in and run out immediately, accomplishing my errand before the drastic weather change affected my mental state. But as the days have gotten longer and warmer I relish my time in the coolest place on campus. The regular temperature is 35 degrees F, which feels much colder inside during the summer days. I love the paper thinness of the air, the refreshing familiarity of the cold as it provides respite and preserves the life forces under our care. Once I have stayed in there for a while I am not wrapping myself in my lab coat anymore, and although I see the evidence of the frigid state in the frosted film overtaking everything, I feel comfortable. It's as though I have to reach out and touch something in the room to remind me where I am. It's like I've found an unorthodox home state.

I breath the same paper thin air when I step onto the MARTA train, or when I walk around Wal-Mart, or when I drive around downtown, or when I stay at home long enough. I think there's an inversion of logic here, though: It's possible that these harsh conditions are the normal, but I attempt to insulate myself in 70 degree boxes, an endeavor at which I have notably succeeded. Dashing in and out of this world, staring at it through a window, strategizing an exit plan...that's not the Gospel. Standing still long enough for your heart to break is not the end, either. It seeing the frosted dirt as beautiful, it's praying for the eyes to see this way. It's the ownership of and the covenant with the fat, the loud, the uncouth, the offensive, the ungrateful, the unjustified; these become our kin. It's understanding that God is most glorified, his Spirit is the most preserved in the cold and dry, and we can work the best under these conditions. It's setting up shop so that these harsh truths seep into your skin and alter your definition of beauty, of good news, of home. It's a slow but steady destruction of comfort. It's the yearning for redemption in the end but the ability to see it in the middle, in the in between. It's breathing in shards of ice and pain and breathing out Eternity.

revamp

"Never make a principle out of your experience; let God be as original with other people as He is with you."
~Oswald Chambers


As a long-winded, teaching-oriented, ex-bible study leader who always has a ditty for everything....I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this. Help?

consider

Jury duty?
Seriously?

Yes, I know I deferred several months ago, thinking that I would be smart enough to send in the right form at the right time stating that I am a student,therefore I am impervious to the inconveniences caused by civic duty. Unfortunately I can spell procrastination better than I can spell affidavit, so here I am.

Drone on, cheap county video that defends the idea that jury duty is a "privilege", not a burden. I'm sure you just convinced the 400+ people here in this one room that dodging Atlanta traffic, missing work and other things to potentially provide 1/12 of a judgment call on someone else's problem is undoubtedly the best way to spend a day.
Oh well...I'm sure I'll get sent home. That's good, I have to go to lab, it's our busiest week. It'll work out.

TAM-ERR-UH Johnson? That's me, more or less...
Cool, there are 35 other people with my fate, they only need 12...I like my odds.

So, why did the judge just call my name?
Statistics, you have failed me.
Well, at least the trial will only last toda--did he just 2-3 days?
OK, my boss may be a bit pissed since this is my first day on our new project.
OK, I will be missing a physics lab...thank God we can drop one.
OK, I'm going to be missing class, lab, and life.
OK, I'm a little upset.

Alright, I survived the 5 hours of court today. I'm pretty sure the judge saw me dozing, don't know how I'm going to pull off this alertness thing for 7 hours tomorrow. Now what do I do? I want to be, need to be in lab with the firs and the grasses! I would prefer not to miss my one class in the summer. I would rather roast outside in the 100 degree weather than roast under the tension of expensive arguments.
Blurrrgggg

OK, I'm at Tech now, I can just meet with my physics professor and sort everything out. He's a pretty reasonable guy, and it would be better to show my face than to email him. He usually stays late, and it's just 5:30.

Had to leave early. See you tomorrow. ~EM

Little Post-It note, innocently hanging on Dr. Murray's door, thank you for being the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'm Frustrateddazedperplexedtiredoverwhelmed and I don't know how to stop.
Just another situation out of my control, another situation that's all my fault.
Just another stressor, just another addition to the summer of bizarre.


What is this written in the cement? Crazy vandals, always ruining our new construction projects on campus. What does it say?

CONSIDER IT JOY


Come again, sidewalk?


CONSIDER IT JOY


....
......
........

Well played, Author and Finisher person.
Well played, You who are in the sky and also here on the gravelled ground.
Well played, You whose love is often inconvenient.
Well played, You who created domesticity, physics, Frasier firs, fellow jurors, and Post-it notes.
Well played.

the present

consuming eclairs and ciders with my bros
eating cheesecake at a restaurant that tastes like it's been in the fridge for 3 years
watching too many movies and fulfilling too few deadlines
talking about nothing and everything with someone who inadvertently helped shaped my worldview
sweating while trekking across campus, showing up to every meeting looking like a wet dog
carrying an umbrella and being able to use it before the end of the day
being with friends who make you laugh from your core, and realizing that they love you, too
youtubing songs over and over again before realizing they are illegal download-worthy
going to flying biscuit entirely too many times
eating out entirely too many times
eating
talking to my besties through phone, gchat, email
talking to my besties in person
thinking of clever lines but never having paper to put them in existence
watching my subject-verb agreement slip down the drain
shopping
riding on MARTA and learning the faces of Atlantans
my friends' handwriting
finding out that it takes an entire village to graduate
realizing that the entire village is just as happy as I am to graduate
wearing sweats over shorts in lab to expose my ankles for the world to see
crying and laughing in the same conversation
allowing myself to be scared, emotional, even out-of-sorts about things in life
acknowledging that I'm not as cool as I think I am
living out the long-term in long-term friendships
witty phrases
30 rock
double-jointedness
old letters


heaven is truly in the simple things.

So they drew near to the village to which they were going. He acted as if he were going farther, but they urged him strongly, saying, "Stay with us, for it is toward evening and the day is now far spent." So he went in to stay with them. When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it and gave it to them. And their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. And he vanished from their sight. They said to each other, "Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?"

"Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?"

"Didn't we feel on fire as he conversed with us on the road, as he opened up the Scriptures for us?"


Didn't we?